Festive Holidays... not fun for everyone!
- Pete
- Dec 20, 2024
- 7 min read
This is a blog about tisanes, teas, and wild foraged mushrooms... yes. This is also a safe forum where I hope that we can express our humanity in a more open way without being judged for it. Tisanes are used world-wide to calm and soothe the central nervous system. Make yourself a simple mug of peppermint tea (calms the nerves), curl up in a warm blanket and allow me six minutes of your valuable time. This is a delicate topic, yes, but one that I have personally endured my entire life and one that I feel very strongly about sharing to create awareness. Mental health issues (C-PTSD) are real, more prevalent than we think, and a slippery slope for sure... the more awareness the better, right! I'm sipping on a steamy mug of our Ying and Yang tisane as I gather my wits to write this. I wish to openly express myself with regards to this topic as I believe strongly that it affects way more people than we collectively realize! I also want to offer some suggestions for both those affected by this and those who are close to someone who is affected by this... there is a difference!
I believe that my timing is great, but my topic... maybe not what you expected! Hang in there, give me a chance, then comment on what your thoughts are... Six minutes! Christmas and New Years are mingled together in the same stretch of festive holidays in many places of the world. As depicted in the above photo, this is a time where people are 'expected' to get together, be happy, merry, festive, spend lots of money they don't have (while being happy about that), and celebrate a tradition whose true meaning has been long lost in the capitalistic commercialization of it all (Do you know that during the 1930's, Coca Cola re-defined what Christmas in North America looks like)! Now this can certainly be debated in many different directions, but that's not the intent of my article. I'm simply setting the stage for what the experience of Christmas and New Years could be for some here in North America. I want to share a bit more of my own personal experience and background with festive holidays to help illuminate the nature of mental health issues (C-PTSD) around festive holidays, as I'm quite positive I'm not all alone in this.
This is difficult. Without getting into any gory details, I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional, poor, immigrant European family with an extremely abusive schizophrenic older brother who was also the eldest male child and in European tradition, could do no wrong. 'Holiday' times or festive occasions, as far back as I can remember were, simply put, ugly and brutal for me in so many different ways. The physical and emotional abuse doled out during these times throughout my entire youth is something that I have spent most of my adult life attempting to understand, work through and get beyond! Although I am making great progress in this regard, I still have an uncontrollable feeling of dread about oncoming holiday seasons! I'm not sharing this for sympathy, nor am I making it the reason for my article. This is my own reason for how I feel around and during festive times. I know there are others with their very own reasons for feeling 'Grinch' during these times! What I want to emphasize is that whatever the reason, for that particular person, what they feel is very real to them and often something that they have not yet learned to control! During these festive times our society encourages getting out, being with people, partying, giving, receiving, having fun and being oh-so-full-of-joy. We're also encouraged/told to leave our 'issues' at home and put on a happy face, no matter what! I strongly disagree with this doctrine. I can honestly say that it has certainly not helped me in the least! It's just not realistic! Unfortunately our society also shuns those who withdraw during these times and simply want to be left alone with their 'issues', or be in a small circle of people who truly 'get it'. Well, the good news is that this is slowly changing! It warms my heart to see more and more people who at least do their best to understand and support those who are affected by this phenomenon. There are a whole range of uncontrollable emotions (the autonomic nervous system kicks in all on it's own without notice) that are part of this: dread, profound sadness, feelings of inferiority, emotional pain to triggers, inadequacy, somethings wrong with me, I'm weird, I'm strange, I'm unsociable, a killjoy, abnormal, shame, just not good enough, self-loathing and unworthy to list a few. I must emphasize that these feelings are brought on by subconscious nervous system responses to external triggers. They are not feelings that are pre-meditated or chosen! On the contrary, much of the exhaustion comes from consciously fighting this flood of emotions and attempting to still fit in. During these times I personally only want to be with people that I'm very close with and that I know understand me and how I am, people who can just give me a hug when they see me trying to hide my tears and not make a big deal about it! I totally feel the real love, compassion and the joy that goes with that. Left on my own, I don't even know why the tears come. I've consciously long forgotten the triggers but my autonomic nervous system has certainly not forgotten the emotional responses. I simply don't feel the love out there amongst the general public! Ok, that's a lie... there was one Christmas where I did feel genuine love, and I felt it amongst strangers! How did that happen?
In 2009 I found myself living just outside the small town of Coyhaique, in southern Chile on the fringes of the Andes mountains. I was managing a mountain guide training company and assistant-guiding forty-six day training expeditions on the Campo Heilo Norte. I got to meet some very awesome people in my time there, total strangers who accepted me for who I was, did not judge me, or shun me for my personality quirks. For the most part, people there are not wealthy the way our society perceives wealth. They are wealthy in compassion, love, and family. Many of the gifts I saw were indeed made by the people giving them with quite limited resources. What truly affected me though was that the gifts were the smallest part of the festivities... being together and talking, cooking, eating, laughing, dancing, listening to live music, and sharing were first and foremost! I did not once feel the judging, oppression, forced-inclusion, nor the capitalistic nature of what I feel here in Canada. My anxieties slowly melted away and I was, for the very first time in many years, able to just enjoy being with people. So there, it is possible! There is hope! I believe that it all lies in how we allow ourselves to perceive the world and the people who live within it. There are things that we can do to gently help this process along, simple things that don't require a doctorate in trauma psychology.
If you are a person who feels what I described or something similar, make it a solid point to be true and kind to yourself. 'True' in the sense of being real honest about what you choose to participate in or not, for your very own personal reasons (stay grounded). 'True' in the sense of avoiding escalation of what you're feeling by attempting to convince others of it (always have an escape plan). If others don't get it or don't want to, or choose to create a scene around it, that's their personal decision. Avoid adding that to your plate! I always have an escape plan in case I get overwhelmed or things go poorly, either a solid friend who can take me home, or some other way to quietly exit. 'Kind' in the sense of taking care of you... making sure that the little you or the traumatized you understands that you're creating a safe space and holding it, no matter what! I now always take a thermos of hot tisane that I know calms my nervous system and that's what I enjoy. I stay away from alcohol and other substances that I know can act as triggers or depressants. Keep it simple and safe for yourself. But what about the others around you... what can they do?
The simple fact is that even if others truly care about your predicament, they simply may not be aware or equipped in how to act or react. That's not because they are callous or insensitive. This is such a complex mess of emotional energy that for the most part not even those who are suffering from it know what to do to help it! Every person is different. Every persons experience is different. One thing that has always worked for me is when someone simply asks, "can I give you a hug?", and then just envelops me and holds me for a minute. No questions. No offers of advice. Just a genuine hug... a simple understanding and warm, genuine compassion that can be felt and perceived. But, some people are not huggers, so that won't work for them... which is the reason that many affected by C-PTSD choose to stay with people they know understand them and can help them re-ground and feel safe. If you are wanting to help someone through their anxiety, please avoid offering them alcohol, or other substances to calm them down. Have a natural, organic tisane on hand that acts as a nerve calming agent and offer them a mug. Ask them to come to the kitchen and help make it... keep conversation simple and non-invasive. Calm and non-invasive is the most nourishing environment for someone experiencing C-PTSD to be in. Simply holding that warm, comforting mug of tisane often acts as a soothing agent. Mia and I make sure that we always have some of our Rock Rose tisane handy no matter where we are. Knowing what to do and being prepared is half the struggle! Mental health issues are not easy. I believe that awareness is vital and certainly hope that this article has given some insight and suggestions.
As always, thank you for reading. Please feel free to share comments (register on our website or send me an e-mail) and like what you read. It truly helps me to know that I'm being heard. Mia, I and the pups wish you all the very best during this holiday time! Much love!
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